Broadly it can be split into the values of Casual and Serious.
Just as it is possible to have shallow or deep monogamous relationships, it is possible to have shallow or deep non-monogamous relationships.
Tarring all non-monogamous relationships as childish is the equivalent of labelling both of these as the same.
Yes, there are men and women who want to sleep with lots of people.
The reaction of most people to the concept of non-exclusive relationships is skepticism.
They are for people who ‘haven’t found the right one’, ‘need to grow up’ or are ‘commitment-phobes’. Should all non-exclusive relationships be labelled as unrealistic fantasies of an infantile male mind? Consider two exclusive relationships: a 15 year old boy going out with his first girlfriend and a couple happily married for 50 years.
Turns out we have polar opposite views on these two confounding words. The explanation for this dating/seeing confusion, as I see it, seems to lie in the biggest scapegoat of modern romance: Hookup Culture.
He thinks we’re seeing each other, I think we’re dating: Communication Fail. We’re both on the same page, just uh, looking at different words? So I gave this stupid syntax wayyyyy more thought than it ever deserved.
How long before insecurities, neediness, and jealousy creep in? If you’re struggling to find people willing to move beyond casual dating, there’s a good chance you’re giving too much.
But suddenly I feel lost on the girls’ brunch staple: Instead of consulting Urban Dictionary, I asked Facebook and Twitter. I considered standing on a street corner and asking NYC strangers but a blizzard made me scrap that idea. I certainly think of DATING and SEEING as different in my mind. The conclusion of my (extremely) limited study (“study”) was a shockingly even divide between the two camps. Or maybe I’ll just slip on some elbow length gloves every time I sit down to blog, and tell you I’m not old-fashioned. Which one do you think is less casual: “Dating” or “Seeing”?
It’s reached the point where I’ll mention him to my friends, the dude’s got potential. Like the difference between the B and D train: one easily gets you to the American Museum of Natural History, the other zooms you up to 125th leaving you wondering what the hell you did wrong and OMG am I in Harlem!? Annnnnd….a lot of other people think the exact opposite… “Seeing” can be applied to your friend with benefits, your ex, and tonight’s Bumble date. Maybe I need to change my wording when I write about dating, since I frequently do…
Other times you really like someone and it doesn’t work out, and you’ve probably wondered if there was anything you could’ve done differently.
Most of us have experienced a serious relationship by accident, usually when we really like the person we’re dating and it just naturally develops into something more.